You can name your own salary here - I like to call
Of course I don't look busy.....I did it right the
I love the "swooshing" sound deadlines make as they
I don't mind the rat race but I could do with a little
I have no axe to grind, but I have an ivory letter
opener that could use some sharpening.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
I've got to get back to work. When I stop rowing,
the slaveship just goes in circles.
If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being
a damn fool.
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to
stop helping me.
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things
I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because
they pissed me off
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Never use the words 'Evil Diabolical Plan' on your
Nobody notices what I do, until I don't do it.
Not only do I not know what's going on, but I wouldn't
know what to do about it if I did.
Note on a door: Out to lunch... if not back by five,
out for dinner also.
REAL procrastination is watching a hungry bear walk
up to you while having a picnic, and not running because hey, you've got the rest of your life.
Somedays it's just not worth chewing through the
Sorry I'm late, I'll leave early to make up for it.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
The best part about procrastination is that you are
never bored, because you have all kinds of things that you should be doing.
The only problem with mornings is that they happen
too early in the day.
There can't be a crisis today, my schedule is already
There ought to be a better way to start the day than
by getting up in the morning.
They can't fire me, slaves have to be sold.
Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted
and recorded every day like those of a baseball player.
Usually I try to take it one day at a time, but lately
several have attacked me at once...
Work is the greatest thing in the world, so save
some for tomorrow.
Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like a
Hard work never killed anyone, but why give it a
Hard work spotlights the character of people; some
turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all!
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my
boss always finds me and brings me back
A morning without coffee is like something without
According to my calculations the problem doesn't
After any salary raise, you will have less money
at the end of the month than you did before.
Another month ends. All targets met. All systems
working. All customers satisfied. All staff eagerly enthusiastic. All pigs fed and ready to fly.
By doing just a little every day, I can gradually
let the task completely overwhelm me
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced,
you can't be promoted.
Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.
Everytime I think I've hit the bottom, someone lends
me a shovel.
Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're
at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
I don't mind coming to work, but that eight hour
wait to go home is a bitch.
Due to the constant fluctuation in customer personalities,
we cannot be responsible for the mental stability of any one member of our staff. (Seen in a gas station in Toronto, Ontario,
It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're working
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that
I am right.
Remember there's no I in team... (but there is a
M and an E)
That's Bill for ya, always sharpening his sleeping
A child of five could understand this! Fetch me a
child of five!
A commuter is one who never knows how a movie ends
because he has to leave early to catch a train to get him back to the country in time to catch a train to bring him back to