My One Liners!!!!!
Funny Celebrity Quotes

Sometimes Celebrities can be more amusing than they mean to be...

"I never knew my father was an alcoholic until he came home sober one night..." - Andre Botes
"Ever notice that 'What the hell' is always the right decision?" - Marilyn Monroe
It all started with a badly timed bald joke. - Colin Mochrie
You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is. - Will Rogers
Jean's a nice girl. So she likes girls and not guys. Some people like cats and not dogs. Frankly, I'd rather live with a lesbian than a cat. - Sophia, The Golden Girls
And God, I promise... no more sex with anybody... unless they really, really, need it - Rue Macalahan as Blanche, The Golden Girls
Times fun when you're having flies. - Kermit the Frog
"A group of psychologists say they have discovered twenty-three different body language indicators that show whether or not a person is lying. If you would like to see all twenty-three at the same time, they recommend taking a guided tour of the White House" - Conan O'Brien
"A woman's body is a work of art. A man's body is a utilitarian. It's for gettin' around. It's like a Jeep." - Elain on Seinfeld, on why men shouldn't walk around naked.
"Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise." - some dead guy.
"I don't read books, but I have friends who do." -Presidential Candidate George W. Bush
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." - Britney Spears
"I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting to get into the bathroom." -- Bob Hope
"I like to tell people I have the heart of a small boy. Then I say it's in a jar on my desk." - Stephen King
"I no longer wish to belong to the kind of club that accepts people like me as members" - Groucho Marx
"I tried to wrestle my inner demons once... but they used to many illegal holds." - Amanda McAllister
"I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light." - Woody Allen
"Men don't care what's on TV. They care about what else is on TV." - Jerry Seinfeld

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