My One Liners!!!!!

Sarcastic Comments

We all know what these are...the things we think but never say because they will get us fired/expelled/hated forever

What am I?! Flypaper for freaks?!
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental
I like you. You remind me of when I were young and stupid.
I don't know what your problem is but I bet it's hard to pronounce.
I'm not being rude - you're just insignificant.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
Aha, I see the Fuck-Up Fairy has visited us again!
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
One of us has got to be stupid...and it's not me.
I sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying!
Everyone's entitled to be stupid, but you've abusing the privilege.
I'm thinking the same thing about you.
My foot and your ass need to meet.
And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...? 
Do I look like a people person? 
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. 
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. 
If I throw a stick, will you leave? 
You!... Off my planet! 
If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats. 
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? 
A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth. 
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. 
I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable. 
I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I  leave  the house? 
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead. 
Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me? 
It ain't the size, it', it's the size. 
God's last name is not Dammit

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